Tag: Horny Grazer Restaurant Reviews

By Matthew Sterne on April 15, 2011November 20, 2019

A snail gets mugged by a tortoise. The snail goes to the police station to report the crime.
“What happened?” says the officer on duty.
“I don’t know”, replies the snail – “it all happened so fast.”

So much potential, so much charm, but undoubtedly the slowest service in town.

How many chances do you give a new restaurant? Well, to its credit and to my complete discombobulation I have been to Cafe Paradiso four times. On each occasion the result has been the same.

Cafe Paradiso is the latest reinvention from those zany fopdoodles at Madam Zingara.

Do not be fooled by claims that “Breakfast, lunch and dinner are a relaxed and vibey affair at Café Paradiso”. By relaxed and vibey they mean that the waiters amble around like they’re coming last in a race between dope smokers and dead people.

The service is quite simply appalling. If you have any form of pressing hunger or time constraint – avoid this restaurant like a rebarbative oligophreniac.

To be fair, it’s not so much the service that is bad, the waiters are actually quite pleasant and usually fairly charismatic – it’s just that everything takes hours to arrive. Literally hours. We sat for over 90 minutes between starters and mains on two separate occasions. Is it the kitchen? Waiters with Alzheimer’s? I really don’t know, but they seem completely incapable of remedying the problem.

What rankles the most is that we inevitably plough through several more bottles of wine than we would normally, resulting in an inflated bill and a week day hangover. And the only winner? Cafe Paradiso. It’s like the Zimbabwean National Lottery where the winner was a certain Mr R Mugabe from Harare.

But it’s not all bad. In fact some of it is jolly good. It’s a great location at the top of Kloof Street in central Cape Town. Think rustic Tuscan – pebbled courtyards, a wine room and several farm house dining rooms. You can even watch fresh pasta being made. An excellent distraction between courses. Another good one is watching paint dry.

The menu is typically Italian and split into antipasti, starters, salads, risottos/pastas, mains and sides. It’s a mouth watering menu crammed full of all the things I find most delicious.

I’ve enjoyed the black risotto with chorizo, sundried tomatoes and lemon aioli on each of my visits (starter – R50). Seriously good. As is the salt and pepper squid with spiced mayo and chilli dressing. And there’s always a tantalising ravioli of the day as well. The pastas and risottos are certainly the speciality. For mains (by which time you will no longer be young), the feathered steak with fresh pasta, tomato salsa and arugula was pretty mediocre (R90). Not bad, not very good. I tasted the lamb salad with baby spinach, garlic aioli and sunflower seeds (R60) which was really delicious and a good option for the abundant carbophobes. There’s always a good selection of imaginative specials on offer as well. Quite a good survival tactic at Cafe Paradiso is to order only starters.

The wine list is not extensive, but there’s all you need and it’s well priced for Cape Town ( a bottle of Buitenverwachting Buiten Blanc will set you back R95).

Cafe Paradiso is a frustrating restaurant. It could so easily become a Cape Town stalwart if they could just get their acrobatic act together. Madam Zingara, please put the porcinis down and get a wriggle on.

The curious thing is that I’ll probably go again soon. When I have some time to spare.

Contact: 110 Kloof Street, Cape Town, Cape Town, Western Cape
Tel: 021 423 8653
Email: bookings@cafeparadiso.co.za   Web: https://www.cafeparadiso.co.za

By Matthew Sterne on November 12, 2010November 21, 2019

“I believe that if ever I had to practise cannibalism, I might manage if there were enough tarragon around” James Beard

I’ve got to come clean here and admit that Indian food is not the preferred choice of the Horny Grazer. Perhaps a legacy of one too many rough Ruby Murrays in London.

I’m spice shy. I prefer to savour delicate flavours than to be blown away by heat. I have a very low threshold which, if exceeded, results in instantaneous hiccupping and nasal sweats. An unappealing combination even for a Labrador. And so it was with some trepidation that we made our reservation at the Bombay Brasserie in the Taj Cape Town.

But it’s worth making a reservation here for the design alone. Surely the most elegant dining room in Cape Town, the Bombay Brasserie combines contemporary design with the marble panelled opulence of the old Reserve Bank. Dark woods, white orchids, decadent turquoise chandeliers and the most lavishly upholstered and exquisitely embroidered imported arm chairs. Carried away by the colonial indulgence, I ordered myself a palate cleansing G&T (I’d recommend the lounge lobby of the Taj for a sneaky aperitif – it was the main chamber of the old South African Reserve Bank, now dazzlingly restored but retaining the splendid, marble columns and floors, and the lofty, domed ceiling complete with minstrel’s galleries.). Namaste.

The executive chef spent fifteen years at the Taj Mahal no less, so contemporary Indian fare doesn’t get much more authentic than this. I tend to find Indian menus a bit of a bore, so was thrilled with Hilton’s recommendation of the Maitre D’s four-course tasting menu with wine pairing. It’s not cheap (R395 for four courses or R575 for four courses with wine pairing), but if you want to get the full Bombay Brasserie experience, this is the most chakra pleasing way to do it.

I was absolutely blown away. It was such a treat to experience something new and unique. Obscure wines that one would never ordinarily order, masterfully paired with delicately spiced flavours. As exotic as Bengal Tigers.

To start, a remarkably delicious roasted yellow corn soup with tumeric popcorn. A dry, delicate flavour offset by the sweetness of the Klein Constantia Riesling. Good start.

Four courses was a little misleading as the second course consisted of three sumptuous pieces, each with its own wine. The Galouti Kebab is a superbly tender lamb kebab, apparently created for the nobles who preferred not to chew – paired with a light Dunston Merlot. The mustard infused broccoli finished off in the Tandoor oven was the spiciest dish on show and was beautifully complimented by a creamy Teddy Hall Chenin Blanc. Probably my favourite dish of the night was the Porchai Year (plump and spicy tempura prawns) served with the Paul Cluver Gewurtztraminer – absolutely sensational!

The third course (basically courses five through eight) was made up of the Murg Khatta Pyaz (Chicken Tikka with vinegar shallots) and Allepey Fish Curry (line fish in spiced coconut curry).

Dal Makhani (black lentils and kidney beans simmered overnight) and Lasooni Palak (garlic infused blended spinach) were the perfect accompaniments. And of course delicious basmati rice and naan bread (it wouldn’t be an Indian meal without them). Wines here included the Vin d’ Orrance Syrah with the Chicken Tikka; the Eagles Nest Viognier with the Fish Curry and an omniscient Paul Cluver Pinot Noir – a sensationally light Pinot that makes for a great accompaniment to most Indian dishes.

Pudding was a condensed milk dumpling served with Kulfi (Cardamom Ice Cream) which was far more delicious than it sounds.

Everything was immaculately presented, whether it was the soup in a traditional copper saucepan, the dry ice billowing pudding or the hour-glass served with the Taj blend chai. The attention to detail and knowledgeable, effusive service is second to none.

High tea is now served in the main hotel lobby where you might like to choose from one of the twenty-four traditional, Indian teas. If you’re looking for something rather stronger than tea, then head for the decadence of the cigar lounge with a devilishly tempting selection of post-prandial cognacs and a roaring log fire.

We opted instead for a white chocolate grappa to round off what was probably the best all round dining experience I’ve had for a very long time. Get thee there.

Bombay Brasserie
Wale St (between St Georges Mall and Adderley St)
Cape Town
Tel: 021-819-2000
Email: sales.capetown@tajhotels.com

By Matthew Sterne on November 8, 2010November 21, 2019

1 Corinthians 13:13: And now these three remain: Sevruga, Beluga and Blonde. But the greatest of these is…

Even the mighty Corinthians would have had a devil of a time trying to decide between these three Cape Town institutions.

Each of Sevruga, Blonde and Beluga has a unique charm. One for every mood or occasion. Beluga was the final stop in the portfolio for the Horny Grazer. There’s a distinctly edgy, industrial feel to the location, tucked behind the pink strip in Green Point. The Foundry is a 100 year old red-brick building that once housed one of the city’s oldest metal works (and Rhino Africa HQ for that matter). Now converted into a modern interior design and office centre in the heart of Cape Town’s film and advertising district. There’s also a fantastic courtyard for summertime al fresco dining. It’s a huge, dark and brooding restaurant with a sleek and sexy bar that is still a favourite among Cape Town’s beautiful cognoscenti.

Thankfully they made space for Cape Town’s ignorant and less attractive patrons on a busy Tuesday night. As summer creeps up on the Mother City it’s about time for the Horny Grazer to shed the extra pounds acquired over the winter months in an attempt to avoid a harpooning on the beaches of Clifton and Camps Bay.

But not just yet! First we had a banquet to get through. My dinner companion and I are getting slowly further apart with every review dinner – wedging ourselves twixt table and tummy.

It’s an awful lot easier to write a derisory review than it is to be effusive. Platitudes grow tiresome and maudlin. Sadly however there is nothing really bad to say about Beluga. The wine list is perhaps on the pricey side, but it’s extensive so you’ll be able to find something to fit your budget. There are a few hidden gems. I was particularly excited to find a cheeky little Neil Ellis ’97 Shiraz for R220 – unfortunately 13 years was a bridge too far – DOA.  The cork simply disintegrated in the two bottles we tried before opting instead for a Rupert & Rothschild Classique for R230.

Aside from that little farcette, Beluga was as slick and polished as its Capetonian brethren.  Beluga is much vaunted for its Sushi and there is in fact a completely separate Sushi menu – we tried a few pieces and they were indeed delicious. Far too slimming for us though. We kicked things off with the Panko-crumbed calamari – probably not the healthiest option, but meaty, tender and delicious. Healthy though in comparison to the double-baked cheese soufflé, dusted with a fine biltong powder – now that’s my kind of starter.

Mains included a fillet of beef Rossini and a scrumptious beef Wellington. The beef was fantastic -perfectly cooked and rolled with duck liver pâté, puff pastry and a rich marchand de vin sauce.

Of course it wouldn’t be a proper review if we didn’t try the puddings, so in the name of professionalism, we tucked in to the Lindt white chocolate beignets with vanilla bean ice cream and butterscotch sauce, as well as a zesty lemon tart and a decadent Belgian chocolate truffle cake. The wise words of Oprah haunted my every mouthful – ‘Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.’ She clearly hasn’t tasted the beignets…

Check out the Samurai Platter Sushi Special – R89 and it consists of Samurai Rolls, Salmon Roses, Prawn Nigiri and Tempura Prawn rolls!

Beluga
The Foundry
Prestwich Street
Green Point
Cape Town
8001

Tel: 021-418-2948/9
info@beluga.co.za